Pirates Gifts

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

"What about hiding it someplace further off-shore?"

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

'No sire, it's not a spelling mistake.'

'He's having trouble pronouncing his arrrrhhhs.'

Short sighted pirates being turned away from a Pilates class.

"Not in front of the crew!"

'Cannonball!'

'I checked with accounting and there's no missin' treasure, so I'm not sure what ye mean when ye say the scoundrel touched yar booty.'

"Okay, who's singing 'How great thou Arrrrrrrrt?"

Pirate peg leg Christmas stocking.

'Would you look at that: Rubbish everywhere!...'

'NO..NO..NO!..on the map Jake...on the MAP!'

Pirate Athletics.

'Without thinking Captain Hook uses the wrong hand'

'I hear he's a software pirate.'

'Why do people always assume I download my music illegally?'

'You're a nice guy and all that, but I'm looking for somebody more symmetrical.'

Speak n Spell - Pirate Edition.

"Pi what squared? Long John, you should be able to get this."

Pirates double up as a scratching post.

"Of the whole crew, only the Captain was hooked up to the net"

'He's not too fast on his feet, but he's got a hell of a right hook!'

The Conveyance of a Corkscrew Hand

'He's murder on the high C's.'

In his later years, Redbeard's hearing was to fail him.

'He's going to walk the plank. The least we can do is let him stretch his quads first.'

'The hook was too dangerous.'

'You're going to go on a diet.'

"Sure I can help him: I specialize in pirate-talk..."

"I removed the carpeting and lo and behold, hardwood!"

'I told you not to pick at it!'

"I quit going to sea, and now I'm a plumber's helper."

"I'm sure looking forward to meeting the new management."

University of Adversity.