Phone Call Connoisseur Gifts

'If you want to pay your bill, press one. If you want to discuss your bill, press two. If you're frustrated because you can't just talk to a living, breathing, human being, press three.'

"Hello, you’ve reached tack support."

'Excuse me...can you hear my phone conversation or do I need to talk louder?'

Men gossiping

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'The King of what?'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

White Wine Wisdom (2)

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

'... Press 7 to admit defeat...'

...the onion rings

'You do obscenity very well. Can you talk without being obscene as well?'

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."

'This is our real-time chat room.'

"Hold that afterthought!"

"There's a kind of rhythm to making money that something inside me responds to."

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

"He says he's a Professor of Rhetoric but I'm not persuaded."

Working from Home

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Richard has quite an ear for dialogue."

"The demise of psychoanalysis? Yes, I saw it coming but you know how it is... denial... repression... projection... compartmentalisation..."