Philosopher Of Modern Life Gifts

"Being falsely accused on social media has left my life largely unchanged."

"Maybe he's not leading us back to his parking space."

'Life's full of Apps 'n' Downloads these days.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

The Googler

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Screen Time vs Book Time

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"Death coach..."

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"Is there a way to disable Narcissus' self-view?"

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."