Philosopher Of Life Gifts

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

"I should have bought more crap."

'Ooh? Is it time we were going?'

"Woohoo!! I'm rich! Rich!!! For the rest of my life I can sit on the beach, fishing and watching the ocean!"

"O.K., we'll try it your way - let's ignore any problems that come up in the next twenty years and see what happens."

"What do you want to be when you're in the 18-65 age demographic?"

No use trying to die with dignity. Death always shows up and spoils everything.

"I bought the roses. I don't need to smell them."

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

'Ironically, before I fell on hard times, I was a professional wine taster.'

"Live Fast. . . Die Young."

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"Life is too short to waste in a cocoon."

Wanted to live forever, died trying.

Leaves Falling in Heaven.

Hey, waterfall ahead! Should I jump? Oh, what the heck - life is full of ups and downs.

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I find that unemployment helps keep me humble.'

'Life is too long not to worry.'

'You know, there are various labour-saving devices that would make this work a whole lot easier.' 'EASIER?! You're missing the whole point here, aren't you?'

A vicar looks at his in tray and out tray containing a newborn baby and a coffin

'The never ending battle'

Tsunami.

"Yeah, they do, but then again, pretty much everything makes me feel small and insignificant anymore."

'How come opportunity doesn't identify itself until he's leaving?'

'Well, I missed my turn in Montana, and the next thing I knew....:'

'I'm trying to become enlightened, but my stomach keeps growling and interrupting me!'

'I looked back once when I was alive. Things were a lot closer than they appeared!'

Respects to Kevin Woodcock.

Face the Music Tavern - Formerly The Free Spirit.

'Could you speed it up a little, pal? -- I'm expecting an important call from the welfare department!'

"The Devil isn't on lockdown, so neither am I."

"I love life. . . but I love food and booze more."

"I'm at the age where work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work."

"We're all in the process of croaking, son."