Modern Life Philosopher Gifts

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

"Somebody tweeted."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"With a real live woman right here, why would you turn to the Internet for an argument?"

"It was his favorite app."

"Oh no! Didn't you bring your phone?"

Hamlet vs. Amazon Prime

Man sees where he's at and he's 'Where It's Not At'

'My life is so boring, even I don't follow myself on Twitter.'

"Social media makes it impossible to see, hear or speak no evil."

"Do you ever stop to think about the nepotism issues I've spared you?"

Checking social media first thing in the morning

Desert Zen Garden

A bull which has seen red.

"Listen! Hear that? Nothing is beeping!"

Lemmings on smartphones, MP3 players etc, plug over cliff

"Everything I say goes straight to voice mail."

"The time? Sorry - I don't have a phone."

"First it was TV, then social media, then politics...now everything insults my intelligence!"

"I misplace everything, yet there always seems to be more of it."

Prisoner Cell

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"The fresh mountain air is starting to depress me."

"I'm not Santa, kid-I'm just an overweight hipster with a bag full of dumpster garbage."

"I'm starting to wonder if my story is ever going to be uplifting."

"It was a day like any other, so I guess I'll have the usual."

"It's all part of life. In time, each of us will be moved to the guest room."

"Just a damned minute!"

"Can you believe this is happening to me? Her scores are very low in self-esteem."

"I was afraid of this - a Chinese menu just came in on our fax."

The Week in Review

Your Palm

"If it says to add water, and I'm the one who adds it, I'm cooking."

"Got to go. Somebody found the remote."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"