Modern Life Philosophers Gifts

"Yes, you've mentioned this 'Facebook' in the past—tell me, is 'Facebook' saying anything right now?"

"We thought it was a rough patch, but it turned out to be our life."

Censorship.

"I'm not going to make it. Show me how to delete my face book profile."

"I used to want 15 minutes of fame. Now I'd settle for 5 minutes of privacy."

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

The Googler

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Crap from the future.

Hamlet's struggle with online shopping addiction. To eBay or not to eBay.

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

Weird things I do because of the internet

"Did you get my tweet?"

Screen Time vs Book Time

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

Mark Zuckerberg

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."