Modern Age Philosophers Gifts

"You've given me a lot to think about the next time my phone isn't working."

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

The Googler

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Screen Time vs Book Time

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Hamlet's struggle with online shopping addiction. To eBay or not to eBay.

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

Mark Zuckerberg

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'I'd go back if I were you.'

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

"I'm here for the hair."

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Rodin's THE FEELER

What every man thinks to himself when he puts on a pink shirt.

"Is there a way to disable Narcissus' self-view?"

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

Follow me on Twitter...

"Remember, it's Boy, Girl, LGBT, Boy, Girl, LG . . ."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

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"The internet without cat pictures? No way! Make a realistic wish like peace on earth, justice for all, everlasting life, sane politicians..."