Modern Philosophy Gifts

Jesus Loves Me According To Wikipedia

"You've got solipsistic narcissism, take two selfies and call me in the morning."

It's hard to get a grip on reality these days because more than ever "reality" is a very slippery concept.

Post-Modern Parenting

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Good game."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

Thinking Gears

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"