Modern Life Philosophers Pillows

"Yes, you've mentioned this 'Facebook' in the past—tell me, is 'Facebook' saying anything right now?"

"We thought it was a rough patch, but it turned out to be our life."

Censorship.

"I'm not going to make it. Show me how to delete my face book profile."

"I used to want 15 minutes of fame. Now I'd settle for 5 minutes of privacy."

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

The Googler

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Crap from the future.

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

Screen Time vs Book Time

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"Did you get my tweet?"

Weird things I do because of the internet

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Tunnel of TV

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

'This is suppose to be progress.'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."