Philosopher Of Fizz Gifts

"Do you have any sugary carbonated drinks that will give my life meaning?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

Optimist

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

Fish Food

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

"What's it all about?"

"Mind if I tweak it?"

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

'Really? -- the hokey-pokey IS what it's all about?'

"I take it you agree that there can be no meaningful thought without the existence of language."

One of the crucial moments in evolution: 'It's a beautiful day today... We could go out for a walk...'

"I think, therefore I am...or am I?..."

Swiss Referendum

'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...oh, hell, give me another one!'

"My flight’s been delayed for the third time—whom do I punch in the face for that?"

'Sure I'm interested in symbolism. Money is a symbol, isn't it?'

The Graveyard of Deleted Tweets

"It is one of life's great mysteries. No one has ever returned to tell."

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

Two Men Having Showdown On Small Hill-Top

'My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis.'

I never thought "the meaning of life" would include so many sports metaphors.