Comedy Philosopher Gifts

"Mind if I tweak it?"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'If the gods wanted us to walk upright, they wouldn't have given us calluses on our knuckles.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Zenemies.

Optimist

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

Human meat.

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

Seneca

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"What's it all about?"

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

Department de Philosophie

Valuation of Heaven

"If they figure out how to clone humans, we're screwed."

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

'Really? -- the hokey-pokey IS what it's all about?'