Fiery Philosopher Gifts

'You are here. What does that tell you?'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

Reverse psychology

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

Beyond the known and the unknown.

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

'How did he make the world in six days?'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'It had taken some time, but the finding of a spaghetti junction brought immense satisfaction.'

The Meaning of Life

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."