Fiery Philosopher T-Shirts

'You are here. What does that tell you?'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Pigeon Little

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

Reverse psychology

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

Beyond the known and the unknown.

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'How did he make the world in six days?'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

'It had taken some time, but the finding of a spaghetti junction brought immense satisfaction.'

The Meaning of Life

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."