Funny Philosopher T-Shirts

"I'm going to need the promotion code."

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

It's awfully windy out here, Frank! Yeah

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

'Stan here is a true believer in Spencer's evolutionary theory of 'survival of the fattest'...!'

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Pigeon Little

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Zenemies.

Optimist

Reverse psychology

Medieval Vacation: 'What? I am relaxed. I'm relaxing!'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.