Furry Philosopher Gifts

"They think they're accidents."

'You're allowed up on the couch.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

Pigeon Little

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Yes, one is a dog."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

Cat Reunion

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Reverse psychology

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

PET THEORIES

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

'Hard to follow...'

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'Don't look at me!'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"Dogs are men."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Flea Philosophy.