Pet Rivalry Analyst Pillows

'Look at this: We get the gourmet tins while Rex gets the generic dog food...'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'I am so proud: My kids are finally fighting all the time!'

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"So, I've heard you call yourself 'King of the Jungle'! Based on what criteria exactly?"

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

'Bad news: the report says it's cheaper if cats make it...'

'Great invention, Rex! What are you going to call it?'

Newspaper headline is CUTE PUPPY RESCUED. Cat says: 'Sigh! It's all bad news in the papers, isn't it?'

'It took me five years to learn, but now I can climb trees! Let's see if that darn cat will laugh at me now...'

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

Whilst a dog is weeing at the base of a tree, a squirrel wees at the entrance of it's dog house.

Doggie Bowl Drill

The balance of power shifted when sparky figured out how to use the laser pointer.

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

Strikeout Dog

"Remember, I've got the Dog Catcher on speed dial."

'...paddlecat is said to have contributed to much of the tension that exists between the two species, even today.'

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

Sick Exhibitionist

"So how come he gets to stay inside and do his business?"

'Best friend? I hardly know the man!'

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

'And you need some reading material,eh?'

'Welcome home, Tiddles...'

'George, kitty got tired of waiting for us to let her in.'

Nuke mouse.

A dog cruising around in his car looking for cats, sporting his number of kill badges of cats on the side of his car.

"It's a dog tradition. Every morning and evening, we thank God that we're not cats."

Some conflicts never get resolved.

'Sorry, but I can't see you ever catching the neighbour's cat...'