Pet Ownership Humor Gifts

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"It get it – you're hungry."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

Cat rolls up yarn like power cord.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

'Ben has a new fishing technique - he calls it 'Fish Hawk'.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Cat at Surprise Party.

'Sometimes I feel sorry for those little baitfish, don't you, Ben?'

'You get an A for effort, but an F in spelling.'

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

'No need to shout.'

'Could we go in ahead of you? His tranquilizer is wearing off.'

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"You're God-knows-where all day long, then at night you pounce on my head... this is not a relationship."

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

Dog Jogger

"He looks like a cheeseburger."

When Pugs dream.

Parrot annoying dog.

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

'Yes I can talk, can you fly?'