Pet Impersonator Pillows

"Ha, ha! He thinks he's a person!"

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Business leader to group: 'Who's making the donkey sounds?'

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"That's the preacher's dog."

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Now cut that out!'

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

It's more than a mike!

Lion Costume

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

Owl

"Want to see me make him beg, roll over and shake?"

"It's sad watching his desperate attempts to stay relevant."

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

"Enough with the medical jargon! Just give it to me in English, Doc, with a Christopher Walken accent!"

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

'Why do they refuse to drink water out of a bowl that's been left out for two hours, but go gaga over toilet water?'

'Beware of Dog' sign next to accordion-playing canine.

"Actually, I've begun to look like he wishes he looked."

Hang Time Fido

101 uses of a dead cat: bagpipe

"It's my birthday. How about a free drink?"

'Look, when you made an appointment for me to treat a rattlesnake bite,...

"Okay, I admit it. You are a good dog."