Pet Etiquette Observer Pillows

'Now, our master is always polite and leaves the seat up for us, not like our Mistress...'

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

"I have spirit, yes I do. I have spirit, how 'bout you?"

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

"It's not so much the chewing that offends me, it's the mocking of our voices."

"Rats."

"Is your dog friendly or socially maladjusted?"

"I know we're not supposed to invite them over the threshold dear, but it seemed awfully rude to leave him standing on the doorstep."

"Is your dog friendly?!"

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'In the future you will address me as 'Your Royal Highness'.'

"I'll be back in an hour—do not play with the weapons."

"Listen, I'm not going to keep letting you in and out all day."

"I'd like you two to meet Will and Diane Clampett. Will is the powerful chairman and chief executive officer of a large multinational corporation, and Diane is his passive-aggressive wife."

"Eddie, you are one hell of a mouse!"

'Why does the vicar keep saying 'Bless you' when nobody is sneezing?'

Parrot annoying dog.

Mime on invisible phone in restaurant.

A guy steals popcorn from the man sitting next to him.

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

'The date was going well... until Lenny decided to eat his own vomit.'

'He's not great at playing dead, but his sad look when he's in trouble is a real work of art.'

"That is one incredibly fast and freaked-out squirrel."

"You do realize you’re serving with the murder weapon?"

"Well, there's the stick. One of us is going to have to get it."

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

'Sometimes he seems almost human, but he's very good at being a dog.'

Preschools for Dogs

"Like heck I'm doing downward dog."

"They know me here."

'I'm having the shrimp scampi. How about you?'