Pet Etiquette Observer Pillows

'Now, our master is always polite and leaves the seat up for us, not like our Mistress...'

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

"I have spirit, yes I do. I have spirit, how 'bout you?"

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

"Rats."

"It's not so much the chewing that offends me, it's the mocking of our voices."

"Is your dog friendly or socially maladjusted?"

"Is your dog friendly?!"

"I know we're not supposed to invite them over the threshold dear, but it seemed awfully rude to leave him standing on the doorstep."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'In the future you will address me as 'Your Royal Highness'.'

Parrot annoying dog.

"I'll be back in an hour—do not play with the weapons."

"Eddie, you are one hell of a mouse!"

'Why does the vicar keep saying 'Bless you' when nobody is sneezing?'

"Listen, I'm not going to keep letting you in and out all day."

"I'd like you two to meet Will and Diane Clampett. Will is the powerful chairman and chief executive officer of a large multinational corporation, and Diane is his passive-aggressive wife."

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

'The date was going well... until Lenny decided to eat his own vomit.'

"You do realize you’re serving with the murder weapon?"

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

'Sometimes he seems almost human, but he's very good at being a dog.'

'He's not great at playing dead, but his sad look when he's in trouble is a real work of art.'

"Well, there's the stick. One of us is going to have to get it."

"That is one incredibly fast and freaked-out squirrel."

Preschools for Dogs

Reigning cats and dogs.

'I'm having the shrimp scampi. How about you?'

"It's not the dry food I hate, it's that crunching sound you make when you eat it!"

"They know me here."