Dog Etiquette Enthusiast Pillows

"Spot isn't home. I'll leave him my calling card to let him know that we came by to see him."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"Rats."

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

Dog History

"Is your dog friendly?!"

"Remember when we were young and could finish a round without one of us having to run off to mark his territory?"

'Now, our master is always polite and leaves the seat up for us, not like our Mistress...'

"Is your dog friendly or socially maladjusted?"

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

That's what I call a well trained dog!!

'After years of trying, he caught his tail.'

"Down boy, it's Halloween."

Preschools for Dogs

'Do you think I over-praised Marmaduke for fetching the paper?'

Doug always circled around four or five times before lying down to sleep.

"Here's what you do when you're kenneled: find the biggest dog in the joint and kick his #!@*."

Anatomy Of A Dog's Brain

"It's not the dry food I hate, it's that crunching sound you make when you eat it!"

"Boys, I want you to take this guy for a little ride..."

"If you eat the homework, but then spit it out, are you still a bad dog?"

"The barking ... it has to stop."

"In the old days Oscar would've eaten him alive."

"I've told you not to do that!"

"Instead of chasing them like a madman, just ask the squirrels if they’d like to play with you."

'No, Marmaduke, we don't get takeout at a toll booth.'

'On The Face Of It.'