Dog Etiquette Enthusiast Pillows

"Spot isn't home. I'll leave him my calling card to let him know that we came by to see him."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"Rats."

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

Dog History

"Is your dog friendly?!"

"Remember when we were young and could finish a round without one of us having to run off to mark his territory?"

'Now, our master is always polite and leaves the seat up for us, not like our Mistress...'

"Is your dog friendly or socially maladjusted?"

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

That's what I call a well trained dog!!

'After years of trying, he caught his tail.'

"Down boy, it's Halloween."

Preschools for Dogs

'Do you think I over-praised Marmaduke for fetching the paper?'

"Here's what you do when you're kenneled: find the biggest dog in the joint and kick his #!@*."

Anatomy Of A Dog's Brain

"It's not the dry food I hate, it's that crunching sound you make when you eat it!"

"If you eat the homework, but then spit it out, are you still a bad dog?"

"The barking ... it has to stop."

'Don't worry Vicar. He's only looking at you like that because you're eating off his plate...'

'On The Face Of It.'

"I've told you not to do that!"

"Instead of chasing them like a madman, just ask the squirrels if they’d like to play with you."

"In the old days Oscar would've eaten him alive."

'No, Marmaduke, we don't get takeout at a toll booth.'