Dog Etiquette Aficionado Pillows

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

'Don't get up!'

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

Dog History

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"Rats."

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"Is your dog friendly or socially maladjusted?"

"Gesundheit!"

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

"Is your dog friendly?!"

'May I recommend the red wine?'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"So, Claire tells me you ate her parents last night."

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

Man of refinement trying to teach a street salesman to say 'asparagus' rather than 'sparrow-grass'

' Hey...he's not eating like a pig.'

'After years of trying, he caught his tail.'

Traddles and I in conference with the Misses Spenlow

"I've never seen a gimme taken on a fareway before."

'That's enough, thank you.'

"To save everyone from suffering in polite restraint, I shall eat the last slice."

'Well, I for one do not believe common courtesy to the host demands deck shoes.'