Pet Command Critic Gifts

'Play dead.'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"They can put dogs in space, but they can't make decent tasting dog food."

Self-Employment

'The butler did it.'

Dinosaur Pet Stores

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

"Good boy, Clifford."

Oh wow. Love your work.

'I don't care how smart he is, he's not allowed on the furniture!'

All my owner says is "Heel, heel, heel" --- And then he wonders why I keep chewing on his shoe!

"Steve and Sue, clean up after your mutt or else!"

'Sit! Fetch! Beg! Heel! Speak! When will he make up his mind?'

The message was clear: Pay up or die. Or maybe it was: Change the water.

'A dog learns about the flyer that was used to find him.'

'You mean to tell me neither candidate supports a ban on doggy sweaters?!'

'Heal!' 'Heel!'

"I think the dog wants out"

'Sir, we have a complaining customer!'

'We've just been declawed and a new couch is delivered: Not a coincidence if you ask me...'

"First let me give you my conspectus."

"I'm in the Leash Law Department."

Dog about food: 'I never realized it before, but this stuff tastes like crap.'

'He's about five ten...dark brown hair...slim...'

Kelly regretted not buying a dog.

101 uses of a dead cat: coat hanger.

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your puppy is?"

Man whistles for the dog, who brings the paper and settles down in the chair to read it.

'...and now WOOF DOG FOOD is available in FIVE new flavors; beef, cheese, chicken, pork and cat!"

"You don't think the parrot is too close to the gas fire, do you, dear?"