Pet Lover Satire Gifts

'The butler did it.'

Biofelineism

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

Doggy conductor

"Anatomy of a cat"

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

101 uses of a dead cat: rollerskates

"Don't think of them as fleas. Think of them as your entourage!"

'You know that's not what I meant when I asked you to take the dog out!'

'Turbidity is pretty high today, better keep the kids inside...'

Dog responding to his master doing a crossword.

"Yes, it's embarrassing, but my master has a broken leg, so this is the only way I can go for a walk right now...

"As I near my 9th life, I feel I’m entering a post-curious, pre-fatalist phase of existence."

Whoa, good thing you had an airbag!

"It is the complete works of shakespeare alright but the pig's claiming he wrote them."

'What obedience school did you say you sent him to?!'

'You can sniff out pet supplies on aisle five.'

'Just so you know, I've no intention of sharing a home with either children or cats.'

'Five day waiting period? Man, I need to resolve a conflict right now.'

"Where is the little dronie birdie?"

"You're so spoiled! You have your favorite food and toys and you're still not happy! What more could you possibly want?!"

"Who died?"

Evil clown.

101 uses of a dead cat: slingshot.

I see you share my hatred for hamsters..

Dog pointing to turkey who stole his dog cone.

"I'm going out. Do you need any voles?"

'Relax - we'll blame it on Curiosity.'

Irritable Owl Syndrome

Neutering done while you wait: Sooty just learnt to read.

'Whaddya mean, 'cat-sized'???'

'Can't play fella, I'm a career cat now...someone has to chew the mail and watch that bird...and that pen ain't gonna fall on the floor on its own!'

"Yeah, I'm already 24 hours old, way past my physical peak: I need to find a mate quick..."