Animal Satire Lover Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: lifejacket

I see you share my hatred for hamsters..

Faster, Georges, faster!

Biofelineism

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

I loved Venice: So many statues to perch upon and people to feed you...

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

Pampered Pets.

'Scary movie?'

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

"Ok, maybe this isn't happening."

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

Hog Futures

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

Pavlov's Dog, Ph.D.

'The butler did it.'

I've been doing sit-ups!

'Is the dead mouse played with before it's prepared?'

'Fowl!'

Working from Home

"Hello, my Baby! Hello, my Sweetie! Hello, my Ragtime Gal..."

"I've always been a big Otis Redding fan."

"Don't complain. Remember, last week they had us on martinis."

'I actually find my Ghillie Suit a better camouflage option than my stripes...'

'Sometimes I feel like people send me Valentine's Day cards just to TICK ME OFF!!'

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

'Come on children, last one out's a rotten egg.'

"Hey, have you ever asked yourself why you need to cross the street before hurling yourself into traffic?"