Animal Satirist Gifts

"Here come the suits."

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Scuba cow"

Hats and Food

"Yes, one is a dog."

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"Now turn your head and bark."

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."