Animal Satirist Gifts

"Here come the suits."

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Scuba cow"

'Jurassic Pork.'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Hats and Food

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

No jay walking.

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"Pssst. Fake poop."