Animal Kingdom Satirist Gifts

"Your father and I want to explain why we've decided to live apart."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Hats and Food

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Scuba cow"

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

No jay walking.

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"I'm concerned. You seem to have catlike reflexes."

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

'Cat job interviews.'

Mother hen driving with 'Eggs on Board' sign.