Pet Satirist Gifts

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your puppy is?"

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

101 uses of a dead cat: coat hanger.

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

'I'd like to return this, please.'

Cats at private view

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

Dogs life

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

Pet Entertainers

The First Cone of Shame.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"That's the preacher's dog."

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."