Penitent Ponderer Gifts

"I guess today separated the wheat from us chaff."

Crowded Ice Fishing

Extreme Sisyphus

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'Sometimes, in the stillness and warmth of an afternoon sun, I can almost hear interest compounding.'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

Lost and Profound.

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

'Yes sir, Thoreau had the right idea.'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Jesus wept

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

Bumper Limos

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

A confinement of convicts

Never being able to think of the right thing to say at the right time phobia.

'His version of sin is different from the press account.'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

'Well, in my case, Muzak DOESN'T help with meditation!'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'