Profound Ponderer Gifts

Lost and Profound.

"If you don't have anything profound to say, don't say anything at all."

The Moral Highway.

"I'd like something profound, witty, and outrageously irreverent."

"So schmooze it up, sweet grads. It's a dog-pitch-dog world."

'Trying to find yourself, eh? — have you tried Google?'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

Chiller Theatre

"Have you been playing dice?"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

Crowded Ice Fishing

"Needs to get a life"

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"I cross the road to forget."

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"Is this who I am?"

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

'At least I don't have his life.'

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.