Profound Ponderer Gifts

Lost and Profound.

"If you don't have anything profound to say, don't say anything at all."

The Moral Highway.

"I'd like something profound, witty, and outrageously irreverent."

"So schmooze it up, sweet grads. It's a dog-pitch-dog world."

'Trying to find yourself, eh? — have you tried Google?'

Tavern: Diluting The Reality of Your Meaningless Existence Since 1967!

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

Chiller Theatre

"Have you been playing dice?"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

Crowded Ice Fishing

"Needs to get a life"

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"I cross the road to forget."

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

"Is this who I am?"

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'