Faithful Ponderer Gifts

'To be honest, I was a little disappointed. It's hard for a place like this to live up to the hype.'

A religious discussion

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'Is God a Republican or a Democrat'

'His version of sin is different from the press account.'

Angel looking down to other angel: 'Oh, those poor meek guys - they inherited the Earth.'

"Yes, we'd better be careful: The fish sticker at the back of his car could mean he's either a fisherman or a Christian..."

"Mother Superior - does that mean she's more important than you are?"

"My favorite part was when your god sacrificed himself to himself to save humanity from himself."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

Crowded Ice Fishing

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

'Is there something bothering you, besides sin, crime, hunger, that sort of thing?'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

'Sometimes, in the stillness and warmth of an afternoon sun, I can almost hear interest compounding.'

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

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"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

Lost and Profound.

'Yes sir, Thoreau had the right idea.'

'Confusionism'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"You what? Well, you darn well ought to have a guilt complex"

Jesus wept

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'