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'To be honest, I was a little disappointed. It's hard for a place like this to live up to the hype.'

'Could you straighten my little brother out? -- he has the Trinity mixed up with the Three Stooges.'

A religious discussion

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'Is God a Republican or a Democrat'

'His version of sin is different from the press account.'

'We may be good eggs, but we're not perfect. We all have a fallen nature.'

Angel looking down to other angel: 'Oh, those poor meek guys - they inherited the Earth.'

"Yes, we'd better be careful: The fish sticker at the back of his car could mean he's either a fisherman or a Christian..."

"Mother Superior - does that mean she's more important than you are?"

"My favorite part was when your god sacrificed himself to himself to save humanity from himself."

"You can't serve both God and mammoth."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

Crowded Ice Fishing

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

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'Is there something bothering you, besides sin, crime, hunger, that sort of thing?'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

'Sometimes, in the stillness and warmth of an afternoon sun, I can almost hear interest compounding.'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

Lost and Profound.

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

'Confusionism'

'Yes sir, Thoreau had the right idea.'

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

Jesus wept