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Soren Kierkegaard

'Confusionism'

"The good news is there is a God. The bad news is, he's stalking me."

'Look, the great being is taking Gunther to heaven.'

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

Bumper Stickers: 'God is my co-pilot', 'My co-pilot has a map'

Progressions.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

'Please take your receipt!'

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

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'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

"How long has he been missing?"

'What did He do before he was God?'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

Various Birds of Pray.

'His version of sin is different from the press account.'

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

"As usual, you're confusing your right to have an opinion with having your opinion respected."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'