Patience Ponderer Gifts

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits, and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

Crowded Ice Fishing

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

Waiting for Pants

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

'Please take your receipt!'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'Sometimes, in the stillness and warmth of an afternoon sun, I can almost hear interest compounding.'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

Lost and Profound.

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'Yes sir, Thoreau had the right idea.'

'Confusionism'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

Bumper Limos

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

Soren Kierkegaard

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

Various Birds of Pray.

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'Well, in my case, Muzak DOESN'T help with meditation!'

'His version of sin is different from the press account.'

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

Mounted Devil