Penalty Ponderer Gifts

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

Team Suspensions.

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

'I got two years for armed robbery, and ten years for not reporting it to the IRS...'

'The last thing I remember is blowing my whistle for a penalty.'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'I guess i's not the worst brawl we've ever seen... but I suppose we should penalize someone anyway.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Extreme Sisyphus

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

"Woah - random!"

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions