Penalty Ponderer Pillows

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

Team Suspensions.

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

'I got two years for armed robbery, and ten years for not reporting it to the IRS...'

'The last thing I remember is blowing my whistle for a penalty.'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'I guess i's not the worst brawl we've ever seen... but I suppose we should penalize someone anyway.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Extreme Sisyphus

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

"Woah - random!"

Retirement Issues

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

Bumper Limos

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions