Penalty Ponderers Pillows

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Extreme Sisyphus

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

Bumper Limos

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

The Loneliness of Power

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

Depending on somebody else to do something right phobia: 'You mean nobody knows where they put the fuse box?'

"Always wondered what happened if you tried to drive through without a card."

I Do Not have OCD

"It used to be called pensions."

Sales at the Yo-Yo Co.

'If it's any consolation, us getting sent to the Principal's office is now trending on Twitter.'