Pun Ponderer Gifts

"A rabbi, a priest and a duck! What a coincidence. I'm a joke writer."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'Your French dip, sir.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Stoneage puncture repair kit...

"You're such a good listener."

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"I guess I'm more of a why-wolf."