Pedigree Ponderer Gifts

"According to the pedigree, his family has been mutts for twelve generations."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

Master's Degrees of the Universe

'Soon, you will start to notice changes in your body... massive, horrifying changes.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

Sex Education

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

'Are you sure its a purbred?'

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"Take a few minutes to introduce yourself, Ms. Berry. Not that they don't already have you pegged."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'If we're seedless watermelons, where did I come from?'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"If we want to get across our warnings about the dire consequences of not saving for a future then we need powerful dramatic message!"

'The money you've saved to last through your old age is gone and, h-hh-m...you're still here!'

'Congratulations. Your old bloated 401K is now valued as a lean, mean 199F!'