Pearly Gates Humorist Gifts

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

COWMIKAZES

Daffodil bulbs

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

I.R.S.: 'All's fair in love & taxes'.

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

'Vacuums!'

Surreal Ale Pub.

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

"Could you put me 'on hold' Mom? I could use a hug."

'Any idea where my night vision visor is?'

"I'm going to do some gardening.Have you seen my ear protectors?"

"I've forgotten your face but I remember your mask."

"I forgot to call in dead."

"Dude, don't say it..."

'Don't make me use my chemical weapons...'

'It was the menu in this pub that drove me to drink...'

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

When I went in they were discussing Tina Turner.

Light Switch

Daybreak at bulb camp

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

"Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing!"

Shower before entering heaven.

"A sizable gratuity always helps."