Pearly Gate Enthusiast Gifts

"Private property." "Warning. We don’t forgive those who trespass against us."

Cat statues on entrance gate

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

Closed Thursdays.

Magestically Marble Hill

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

Saint Peter reviews a man's sins.

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

"I forgot to call in dead."

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

'Sudden death?'

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

Grandmother holding 'Grandson' sign outside school

"Hmmmmm ... I don't see you on our 'friends' list ... "

"Did you make an appointment?"

"Darleen, this is an intervention...your teeth are white enough."

"So what's his story?"

"Unfortunately, a few years back we had to start accepting advertising."

"Certainly you're qualified, .… we're just trying to achieve a certain dynamic."

"I loved my job. That's gotta count for something."

'Congratulations - here's your black ball, you've been appointed to the membership committee,'

"I don't know how we're going to work this. According to your psychiatrist's evaluation you have multiple personalities, two of which are okay to enter. But the other three..."

'Even if you were always Mother's little angel, I still have to look it up.'

"This isn't exactly what I expected when I asked Sam's Travel, Inc. to send me to paradise."

"Let me get this straight. This is the place of eternal happiness, but all the rock stars and hookers are down there?"

the guard

"I can help the next person in line."