Pearly Gate Enthusiast Gifts

"Private property." "Warning. We don’t forgive those who trespass against us."

Cat statues on entrance gate

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

Magestically Marble Hill

Closed Thursdays.

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

Saint Peter reviews a man's sins.

Heavenly Take Out

"I forgot to call in dead."

Things to do in the area.

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

That's okay --- Nobody would get in if we included cheating on diets.

'Sudden death?'

Grandmother holding 'Grandson' sign outside school

"Hmmmmm ... I don't see you on our 'friends' list ... "

"Did you make an appointment?"

"Darleen, this is an intervention...your teeth are white enough."

DIY'ers Heaven. I wonder if I can get under this floor covering and take a gander at the subfloor

"So what's his story?"

"Unfortunately, a few years back we had to start accepting advertising."

"I loved my job. That's gotta count for something."

"Yeah, Saint Peter here. I locked myself out again."

"Certainly you're qualified, .… we're just trying to achieve a certain dynamic."

'Congratulations - here's your black ball, you've been appointed to the membership committee,'

"I don't know how we're going to work this. According to your psychiatrist's evaluation you have multiple personalities, two of which are okay to enter. But the other three..."

'Even if you were always Mother's little angel, I still have to look it up.'

"This isn't exactly what I expected when I asked Sam's Travel, Inc. to send me to paradise."

"Let me get this straight. This is the place of eternal happiness, but all the rock stars and hookers are down there?"

the guard