Pearly Gates Fans Gifts

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Memorials of The Great Exhibition - 1851. No. V. - Theatrical depression.

"There's the mailman!"

"Don't be out late and stay within Wi-Fi-range."

Closed Thursdays.

'It creeps me out when he watches the History Channel and takes notes!'

Canute Does It Again

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

'For added curb appeal, I think you should fill the moat.'

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

Letter On Its Way From Omaha To New York

"Try some improv, they said. The king will it, they said!"

Richard III found buried under Leicester car park.

"I forgot to call in dead."

"The Queen is somewhere in the snuggery!"

Have you said grace? No, we said grace yesterday, this is leftovers!

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

'Sudden death?'

"He's been carrying out cyber attacks."

Pirate Dog

'We got a Christmas card from King Sverdglink of Lithuania -- when did HE get Christianized?'

'Better add a little just to be on the safe side ? there may be another postage hike before it gets there.'

"I loved my job. That's gotta count for something."