Pearly Gates Fans Gifts

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Memorials of The Great Exhibition - 1851. No. V. - Theatrical depression.

"There's the mailman!"

Closed Thursdays.

"Don't be out late and stay within Wi-Fi-range."

'It creeps me out when he watches the History Channel and takes notes!'

Canute Does It Again

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

'For added curb appeal, I think you should fill the moat.'

"Madonna's out early this morning."

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

Justin Drew Bieber

"Try some improv, they said. The king will it, they said!"

Letter On Its Way From Omaha To New York

Aye, maybe I shouldn't get dressed in the dark.

Heavenly Take Out

Richard III found buried under Leicester car park.

"The Queen is somewhere in the snuggery!"

"I forgot to call in dead."

"The Gig Economy's been good to me."

Have you said grace? No, we said grace yesterday, this is leftovers!

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."

Bill Gates on a Donkey.

'Sudden death?'

Things to do in the area.

'We got a Christmas card from King Sverdglink of Lithuania -- when did HE get Christianized?'

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

That's okay --- Nobody would get in if we included cheating on diets.

"He's been carrying out cyber attacks."

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

Pirate Dog

'Better add a little just to be on the safe side ? there may be another postage hike before it gets there.'