Pearly Gates Passenger Gifts

Things to do in the area.

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

'There was an extra 50 miles on my bike this week. I couldn't keep you off the couch, now this?'

"You're fine, sir. I'm ticketing your back seat passenger for persistent, obnoxious, unsolicited advice."

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

Heavenly Take Out

"Frankly, your kindness and understanding are only making matters worse!"

"I forgot to call in dead."

'Which license do you wish to see?'

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

Shower before entering heaven.

'Sudden death?'

That's okay --- Nobody would get in if we included cheating on diets.

"Did you make an appointment?"

"Hmmmmm ... I don't see you on our 'friends' list ... "

Passenger on a train blaming a clerical man for smoking

"Unfortunately, a few years back we had to start accepting advertising."

"Yeah, Saint Peter here. I locked myself out again."

"I wish they had untamed-rage detectors."

"Certainly you're qualified, .… we're just trying to achieve a certain dynamic."

"I loved my job. That's gotta count for something."

DIY'ers Heaven. I wonder if I can get under this floor covering and take a gander at the subfloor

"So what's his story?"

Trans-continental Meditation. 'Are we there yet?'

'Congratulations - here's your black ball, you've been appointed to the membership committee,'

"I don't know how we're going to work this. According to your psychiatrist's evaluation you have multiple personalities, two of which are okay to enter. But the other three..."

'Even if you were always Mother's little angel, I still have to look it up.'

"This isn't exactly what I expected when I asked Sam's Travel, Inc. to send me to paradise."

"Let me get this straight. This is the place of eternal happiness, but all the rock stars and hookers are down there?"

"Private property." "Warning. We don’t forgive those who trespass against us."