Pearly Gate Putter Gifts

'Sudden death?'

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

Golfing Bishop.

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

'The water hazard holds little fear for Jesus.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

Man in Office playing golf, filing cabinet draw marked 'Rough'

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

"Don't rush me, I've got to get it right!"

Thanks God!

Heavenly Take Out

"I forgot to call in dead."

"On the sixteenth hole? I can sympathize with you, but I can't let you go back and finish the round!"

Things to do in the area.

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

That's okay --- Nobody would get in if we included cheating on diets.

Using a sink plunger to retrieve a golf ball.

"Did you make an appointment?"

"Sir, I would recommend the putter for your tee shot."

"Hmmmmm ... I don't see you on our 'friends' list ... "

'You forgot one of the essential facts of putting - the ball always breaks toward the water.'

"So what's his story?"

"Yeah, Saint Peter here. I locked myself out again."

'Aim for one of the holes in the ozone layer.'

"I loved my job. That's gotta count for something."

"Certainly you're qualified, .… we're just trying to achieve a certain dynamic."

"Unfortunately, a few years back we had to start accepting advertising."

'Congratulations - here's your black ball, you've been appointed to the membership committee,'

"I don't know how we're going to work this. According to your psychiatrist's evaluation you have multiple personalities, two of which are okay to enter. But the other three..."

Child on golf course

'Even if you were always Mother's little angel, I still have to look it up.'

"Private property." "Warning. We don’t forgive those who trespass against us."