Pearly Gates Ponderer Gifts

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

'Congratulations - here's your black ball, you've been appointed to the membership committee,'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"I forgot to call in dead."

"Certainly you're qualified, .… we're just trying to achieve a certain dynamic."

"You're a mighty lucky fellow to have died at the same time as your lawyer."

"This isn't exactly what I expected when I asked Sam's Travel, Inc. to send me to paradise."

'Keep up the good work!'

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

"It makes me happy that you took time to read the newspaper today."

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

The sad case of the blind-men and the elephant.

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

"I appreciate you have a real passion for music Mr Hibberd. . . but I can see you're going to struggle with the piano."

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

The Good Samaritan.

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

The mysterious world of ligand substitution

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.