Perk Ponderer Gifts

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

"Did you know we don't get a vacation around here until we get married?"

"Recruitment is a nightmare...We need to focus on the advantages of working here!"

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'As a sweetner, outside investors in our property syndicate will be allowed in to use the bathroom.'

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

"It's a bit cramped but one night a month pays for six weeks in Barbados!"

'As Employee of the Month you get to be first on the elevator.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'How come, unlike some other bosses, you never surprise me with little promotions?'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Firing is too good for you, Mike. I'm going to give you MY job instead!"

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

'Contested elections for managing partner are always going to cause a bit of upset.'

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

"Sure, but what have you invented lately?"

"Apparently, over two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water!"

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

'Though we must innovate, and though we must grow, we must never lose sight of our core mediocrities.'

Dorothy finds the Yellow brick road is now a 6-lane expressway.