Pearly Gates Aficionado Gifts

Heavenly Take Out

Cat statues on entrance gate

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

Oh, the armor is state of the art

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Found pearls! No way I'm leaving. . . Amelia.

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

"No, you don't need to slay a dragon or go on a quest to prove your love to me. I just want you to keep your castle a hell of a lot cleaner."

I only built the moat to keep the cats out.

Magestically Marble Hill

Closed Thursdays.

"I think he said he doesn't want to be your press secretary any more."

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

'My client will give up the castle, as long as it is not an admission of defeat.'

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

We've been Gazumped

"I'm starting to regret that haircut."

"I forgot to call in dead."

Things to do in the area.

'Soccer hooligans, majesty! Thousands of them! We're doomed!'

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

That's okay --- Nobody would get in if we included cheating on diets.

Shower before entering heaven.

'Sudden death?'

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

DIY'ers Heaven. I wonder if I can get under this floor covering and take a gander at the subfloor

"Remember to storm the castle without damaging the structure, or the property would lose value in the real estate market."

"Unfortunately, a few years back we had to start accepting advertising."

"I loved my job. That's gotta count for something."

'Let one more dragon get away and I'm busting you all the way down to peasant!'

"Certainly you're qualified, .… we're just trying to achieve a certain dynamic."