Pearly Gates Aficionado T-Shirts

Cat statues on entrance gate

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Found pearls! No way I'm leaving. . . Amelia.

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

"No, you don't need to slay a dragon or go on a quest to prove your love to me. I just want you to keep your castle a hell of a lot cleaner."

Closed Thursdays.

Magestically Marble Hill

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

'My client will give up the castle, as long as it is not an admission of defeat.'

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

"I'm starting to regret that haircut."

"I forgot to call in dead."

We've been Gazumped

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

Shower before entering heaven.

'Sudden death?'

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

'Soccer hooligans, majesty! Thousands of them! We're doomed!'

You Are Here (map in dungeon)

"Unfortunately, a few years back we had to start accepting advertising."

"Certainly you're qualified, .… we're just trying to achieve a certain dynamic."

"Remember to storm the castle without damaging the structure, or the property would lose value in the real estate market."

'Let one more dragon get away and I'm busting you all the way down to peasant!'

'We weren't expecting a Royal visit.....Where's the King?'