Pearly Gates Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I loved my job. That's gotta count for something."

Cat statues on entrance gate

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

Oh, the armor is state of the art

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

"No, you don't need to slay a dragon or go on a quest to prove your love to me. I just want you to keep your castle a hell of a lot cleaner."

I only built the moat to keep the cats out.

Magestically Marble Hill

Closed Thursdays.

"I think he said he doesn't want to be your press secretary any more."

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

'My client will give up the castle, as long as it is not an admission of defeat.'

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

Heavenly Take Out

We've been Gazumped

"I'm starting to regret that haircut."

"I forgot to call in dead."

'Soccer hooligans, majesty! Thousands of them! We're doomed!'

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

Shower before entering heaven.

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

That's okay --- Nobody would get in if we included cheating on diets.

Things to do in the area.

'Sudden death?'

"Hmmmmm ... I don't see you on our 'friends' list ... "

"Did you make an appointment?"

"Unfortunately, a few years back we had to start accepting advertising."

"So what's his story?"

'Let one more dragon get away and I'm busting you all the way down to peasant!'

"Certainly you're qualified, .… we're just trying to achieve a certain dynamic."