Pearly Gate Satirist Gifts

"A sizable gratuity always helps."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"Can you hear me now?"

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

'... and make it look like an accident.'

"Listen, kid - in the real world, great power comes with no responsibility whatsoever."

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

'Sire, the peasants say you're just using them.'

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"I will grant you three wishes. You should know, however, that after taxes it will be reduced to one and a half wishes."

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

"And you say these stabbing back pains started when you got into politics?"

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

"I usually vote for whoever promises to cut the most tax."

'I always vote for the candidate I think will do the least damage.'

'No.32...congratulations: your pay is frozen. No.38...well done: you're on short term working. No.14...'

"If the stock market fluctuates due to the emotions of mostly men, isn't there some kind of hormonal therapy available to level those out for them?"

Stopping Coronavirus

Paparazzi at the Local Dump

'You are accused of internet fraud. How do you wish to blog?'

'Britishness Test.'

"Help!"

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."