Pearly Gate Satirist Pillows

"A sizable gratuity always helps."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

What Could Go Wrong?

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"Can you hear me now?"

'Sire, the peasants say you're just using them.'

"Listen, kid - in the real world, great power comes with no responsibility whatsoever."

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

'... and make it look like an accident.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"I will grant you three wishes. You should know, however, that after taxes it will be reduced to one and a half wishes."

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

China deploys troops to prepare for an American invasion of North Korea. Russia warns that if America attacks Syria again, Russia will respond with force. Y'know, last time we had a world war, we weren't the ones everyone was defending themselves against. Sometimes when you're playing tag, it's more fun to be "it." We should have out own political show.

The Best Defense for Trump's Wall

"And you say these stabbing back pains started when you got into politics?"

George Clooney.

"I usually vote for whoever promises to cut the most tax."

'I always vote for the candidate I think will do the least damage.'

'Hey Larry! Jim here! Haven't seen you since way last Christmas! How the heck are ya, dude?'

Paparazzi at the Local Dump

'No.32...congratulations: your pay is frozen. No.38...well done: you're on short term working. No.14...'

Stopping Coronavirus

"If the stock market fluctuates due to the emotions of mostly men, isn't there some kind of hormonal therapy available to level those out for them?"

'You are accused of internet fraud. How do you wish to blog?'

'Britishness Test.'

"Help!"

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."